Monday not bad, tuesday's okay.

It's wednesday morning I find myself in bed in dread.  I should be up washing my hair but I find myself  in bed dripping with the coldness that comes from tiredness.
I should have a shower, I should wash my hair with more than dry shampoo. Not even the thought of putting nice clothes on is rousing me today, even tho it's as close as I'll get to being creative today.
The tiredness is double. Yes, I should have gone to bed a half hour earlier at least, but, when only a quarter of my allotted 24hours is spent actually doing things I want to do, it's hard to not want to push on a bit longer, a bit longer scrolling.
And the tiredness is double because it's the tiredness of boredom. We can rely on a surprisingly little amount of sleep, providing we're having fun. Providing my days are not spent sorting files in alphabetical order. It would be alright if I didn't have to recite the whole alphabet just to get to s.t.U.v.
I know now that the next two days will be suffured in this state.

It gets into you this rain. Like murky washing up watter, you've got orange rubber gloves on, but somehow, unsurprisingly, there must be a hole in them cuz today, all I feel is dread.

Tonight, yes a few hours have passed since th first letters of this piece. As I look for a quote by Kerouac about depression and washing up water that I CAN'T FIND, I remember that we are alike in some things he and I. We are alike in the intensity. And I  realise, more importantly, that the abysmal low I feared would come after my Indian high is nigh. The reason I feel such elation is the reason I feel so delfated now. Because I feel everything so strongly. Maybe we all do.
I ask myself many times wether I would prefere a constant lowkey satisfaction or a great heights and deep lows at unpredictable times. The aspirational

Urgh this is shit. It's thoughts I've thought a thousand times, put into words while on the bus and taken out of words again while walking home. This is me writing because I want to not because I have anything to say. It started okay, started off raw and sleepy and lonely, ended up being some posing metacognitionny nonsense.